I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
