i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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