I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize