Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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