You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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