sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
