Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
