8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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