fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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