sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
