3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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