Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
