Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
