Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
