i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
