we have pet lesbian snakes
im calling her cock vulture from now on
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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