Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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