i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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