Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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