I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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