You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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