if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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