You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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