I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
