And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
