Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize