I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
