my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
