I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
