Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
