Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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