It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize