You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I want to be your penis for a week.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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