Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
