my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize