i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
