When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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