"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
