There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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