last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
