3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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