Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
