I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
