I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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