I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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