that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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