mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize