I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
