i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
