He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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