Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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