I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
