walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
