no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
