I want to walk on stilts...naked
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
