So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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