I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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