I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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