I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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