Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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