she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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