i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
