Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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