6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
