i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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