just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
