Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
