You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Someone came in the potted fern
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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