I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
