so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
