she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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