Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
