Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
