escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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